Post by nicole fay on May 18, 2005 12:40:27 GMT -5
/me Bod-Confidence Commandment #1
"I Will Not Bad-Rap My Body"
Sometimes it's hard not to get on board the body-bashing train -- especially when you're around women who do it too. But by pointing out your so-called problem areas -- your "big butt" or your "need" to lose 10 pounds -- you're actually training others (and yourself) to focus on your flaws, explains Ann Kearney-Cooke, Ph.D., director of the Cincinnati Psychotherapy Institute, who treats patients with body-image disorders. "Many women who engage in self-criticism had mothers who badgered them about their bodies when they were younger, so they continue to do it to themselves as adults because they're more comfortable with criticism than compliments."
In fact, in a study conducted in part by Harvard Medical School, adolescent girls who said their parents made comments about their weight were more than twice as likely as their peers to be highly concerned about their body image one year later. "The comments you may have gotten as a child can make you more paranoid about how you're perceived now, to the point where you internalize benign comments from others as insults," says Thompson. For instance, your guy suggests you two hit the gym or he strokes your tummy and you think, He thinks I'm getting fat! "Take a step back, and ask yourself if you're bringing your own body-image bias to the table -- then turn it around." Why is it so crucial to curb negative thoughts? "They can have a generalizing effect on other areas of your life and snowball into: I'm not doing well at work, I won't go to that party, I'm not a desirable girlfriend ... and wear down your self-esteem," says Thompson. To stop the sabotage, Kearney-Cooke advises replacing your body insults with positive thoughts. "I tell my patients to visualize a giant STOP sign when they say something negative -- then give themselves a compliment, such as 'I have great skin' or 'I have really strong legs.'"
/me Bod-Confidence Commandment #2
"I Will Not Be Afraid of My Mirror"
Making friends with your full-length looking glass isn't easy (especially under fluorescent lights in a swimsuit-store dressing room), but the more you look, the less you'll stress. "When I ask women which of their body parts they like best, they most frequently choose the face -- and that's not because they find their faces particularly fascinating," says Kearney-Cooke. "It's largely because they're so accustomed to staring at their faces when they're putting on makeup or brushing their teeth, whereas they can more easily hide the rest of themselves from full-length mirrors."
If running from your reflection is de rigueur for you too, it's time to face your fear -- literally. "Avoiding looking at your nude body in the mirror just leads to more emotional anxiety," says Thompson. "Think of it like falling off a bike: If you have a bad experience and refuse to try again, your mind will blow it up into something much more scary than it really was." To get the wheels turning, you need to desensitize yourself to strip-down anxiety. If you're particularly squeamish, Kearney-Cooke recommends staring at yourself with clothes on or using a pocket mirror, area by area, until you get to the point where you can disrobe and take a long look at yourself without obsessing about or dissing your dimensions. Your goal isn't to become the next nudist-camp member -- it's just to get comfortable with your bare body. "The point is to accept your imperfections," says Thompson. "You may not think differently than before about what you see, but slowly, your anxiety about trying on clothes and changing in front of others will fade." It may seem hard to go from feeling cool with your reflection to undressing in the company of others, but look at it this way: You're not scrutinizing their lumps, bumps or figure flaws, right? They're probably not staring at yours either
/me Bod-Confidence Commandment #3
"I Will Not Compare Myself to Perfection"
The average American woman is 5 feet 4 inches tall and weighs 140 pounds, while the average American model is 5 feet 11 inches tall and weighs 117 pounds -- making her thinner than 98 percent of American women. So mathematically, it would be pointless to judge your body in terms of someone you have only a 2 percent genetic possibility of looking like. Yet so many of us can't help but see a model with a killer frame and feel less luscious by comparison. One study found, for instance, that after viewing nude pictures of Playboy and Penthouse models, subjects rated women of average attractiveness more negatively than those who hadn't seen the photos. "Women tend to compare themselves to women with better bodies than their own, and it can become a dangerous habit," says Ellen Davis, Ph.D., a psychologist at the Renfrew Center, a treatment center for women with eating disorders in Philadelphia. "There will always be someone who's thinner and more toned than you are, so constantly weighing yourself against her is a destructive cycle that's guaranteed to make you feel worse."
Instead, work on comparing yourself to you. "It takes courage to turn the compass inward and say, 'Okay, I'm strong, I'm eating healthily, exercising, and I don't need to look perfect,'" says Kearney-Cooke. "There's something so appealing about a woman who struts her stuff and moves through space feeling good about her shape -- I call it the Tina Turner Factor. She doesn't have the perfect body, but we think she does because of the way she carries herself. She doesn't apologize for who she is." And neither should you. Commit to taking care of your body in ways that make you feel sexier and stronger. Try yoga, a full-body massage or going to the gym to get your body buzzing with endorphins. Incorporating these moves into your routine will give you more pride in your bare essentials.
Bod-Confidence Commandment #4
"I Will Not Psych Myself Out in Bed"
Let's face it: Nooky can be stressful because you're unsure if your naked self will make him hot and bothered ... or just bothered. "Being nude makes you feel vulnerable because you don't have the clothes to hide behind, so the reason you feel self-conscious may be that you're worried he won't accept you for who you really are. In that case, you need to take ministeps to make yourself feel more secure in your sexual environment," says Kearney-Cooke. "Don't flip on the lights if it makes you uncomfortable. Instead, incorporate candlelight into your lovemaking routine and make more eye contact so that you gradually get accustomed to being seen by your partner." As for your fears that he's critiquing your form, consider this: One study showed that the female figure college women thought college men preferred was significantly thinner and bustier than the preferences actually expressed by the males.
But even more important than what he thinks is what's running through your head. "If you're judging your body while you're trying to feel pleasure, you won't be able to enjoy the experience fully," says Davis. Instead, start focusing on how incredible it feels to be rubbing your skin against his and all the intense sensations you're feeling on your breasts, stomach and private areas -- sensations that have absolutely nada to do with what they look like. It also doesn't hurt to remind yourself that sexiness isn't only skin-deep. "Ask yourself if you've ever been attracted to someone with a less-than-10 body," says Kearney-Cooke. Of course, you know the answer is yes; he had skinny legs or a flat tush, and you thought he was sexy as hell anyway. What was it then that made him so hot? Probably the fact that when you looked at him as an entire head-to-toe package, he was pretty damn fabulous. And so are you. Give yourself the chance to discover that.
Full-Monty Fads
And you thought strip poker was risqué ... check out these bold in-the-buff trends:
American couples are getting hitched in Jamaica ... nekkid, mon! In 2001, 22 vacationing brides and grooms stripped down and exchanged vows in an attempt to set a Guinness world record for the largest nude group wedding. We can only imagine what their honeymoons were like.
Naked bungee-jumping is all the rage everywhere from New Zealand to Canada. Daring couples in their 20s and 30s have even been known to take the naked leap à deux, fused together by chains while they bounce through the air in tandem. Now that's what we call falling in love.
Gutsy college students travel to a nudist resort annually to compete in a pentathlon known as the College Greek Athletic Meet. The event includes long jump, discus, 200-yard dash, javelin and stand-up wrestling -- and they do it as the ancient Greeks did ... au naturel. Good thing they don't include hurdles.
A Toronto-based Web-cast called Naked News has, yep, you guessed it -- anchors in their birthday suits! According to one male "nudecaster," the hardest part is "reading off the TelePrompTer!" Yeah, with 6 million-plus viewers staring at you, we're sure that part is the hardest.
"I Will Not Bad-Rap My Body"
Sometimes it's hard not to get on board the body-bashing train -- especially when you're around women who do it too. But by pointing out your so-called problem areas -- your "big butt" or your "need" to lose 10 pounds -- you're actually training others (and yourself) to focus on your flaws, explains Ann Kearney-Cooke, Ph.D., director of the Cincinnati Psychotherapy Institute, who treats patients with body-image disorders. "Many women who engage in self-criticism had mothers who badgered them about their bodies when they were younger, so they continue to do it to themselves as adults because they're more comfortable with criticism than compliments."
In fact, in a study conducted in part by Harvard Medical School, adolescent girls who said their parents made comments about their weight were more than twice as likely as their peers to be highly concerned about their body image one year later. "The comments you may have gotten as a child can make you more paranoid about how you're perceived now, to the point where you internalize benign comments from others as insults," says Thompson. For instance, your guy suggests you two hit the gym or he strokes your tummy and you think, He thinks I'm getting fat! "Take a step back, and ask yourself if you're bringing your own body-image bias to the table -- then turn it around." Why is it so crucial to curb negative thoughts? "They can have a generalizing effect on other areas of your life and snowball into: I'm not doing well at work, I won't go to that party, I'm not a desirable girlfriend ... and wear down your self-esteem," says Thompson. To stop the sabotage, Kearney-Cooke advises replacing your body insults with positive thoughts. "I tell my patients to visualize a giant STOP sign when they say something negative -- then give themselves a compliment, such as 'I have great skin' or 'I have really strong legs.'"
/me Bod-Confidence Commandment #2
"I Will Not Be Afraid of My Mirror"
Making friends with your full-length looking glass isn't easy (especially under fluorescent lights in a swimsuit-store dressing room), but the more you look, the less you'll stress. "When I ask women which of their body parts they like best, they most frequently choose the face -- and that's not because they find their faces particularly fascinating," says Kearney-Cooke. "It's largely because they're so accustomed to staring at their faces when they're putting on makeup or brushing their teeth, whereas they can more easily hide the rest of themselves from full-length mirrors."
If running from your reflection is de rigueur for you too, it's time to face your fear -- literally. "Avoiding looking at your nude body in the mirror just leads to more emotional anxiety," says Thompson. "Think of it like falling off a bike: If you have a bad experience and refuse to try again, your mind will blow it up into something much more scary than it really was." To get the wheels turning, you need to desensitize yourself to strip-down anxiety. If you're particularly squeamish, Kearney-Cooke recommends staring at yourself with clothes on or using a pocket mirror, area by area, until you get to the point where you can disrobe and take a long look at yourself without obsessing about or dissing your dimensions. Your goal isn't to become the next nudist-camp member -- it's just to get comfortable with your bare body. "The point is to accept your imperfections," says Thompson. "You may not think differently than before about what you see, but slowly, your anxiety about trying on clothes and changing in front of others will fade." It may seem hard to go from feeling cool with your reflection to undressing in the company of others, but look at it this way: You're not scrutinizing their lumps, bumps or figure flaws, right? They're probably not staring at yours either
/me Bod-Confidence Commandment #3
"I Will Not Compare Myself to Perfection"
The average American woman is 5 feet 4 inches tall and weighs 140 pounds, while the average American model is 5 feet 11 inches tall and weighs 117 pounds -- making her thinner than 98 percent of American women. So mathematically, it would be pointless to judge your body in terms of someone you have only a 2 percent genetic possibility of looking like. Yet so many of us can't help but see a model with a killer frame and feel less luscious by comparison. One study found, for instance, that after viewing nude pictures of Playboy and Penthouse models, subjects rated women of average attractiveness more negatively than those who hadn't seen the photos. "Women tend to compare themselves to women with better bodies than their own, and it can become a dangerous habit," says Ellen Davis, Ph.D., a psychologist at the Renfrew Center, a treatment center for women with eating disorders in Philadelphia. "There will always be someone who's thinner and more toned than you are, so constantly weighing yourself against her is a destructive cycle that's guaranteed to make you feel worse."
Instead, work on comparing yourself to you. "It takes courage to turn the compass inward and say, 'Okay, I'm strong, I'm eating healthily, exercising, and I don't need to look perfect,'" says Kearney-Cooke. "There's something so appealing about a woman who struts her stuff and moves through space feeling good about her shape -- I call it the Tina Turner Factor. She doesn't have the perfect body, but we think she does because of the way she carries herself. She doesn't apologize for who she is." And neither should you. Commit to taking care of your body in ways that make you feel sexier and stronger. Try yoga, a full-body massage or going to the gym to get your body buzzing with endorphins. Incorporating these moves into your routine will give you more pride in your bare essentials.
Bod-Confidence Commandment #4
"I Will Not Psych Myself Out in Bed"
Let's face it: Nooky can be stressful because you're unsure if your naked self will make him hot and bothered ... or just bothered. "Being nude makes you feel vulnerable because you don't have the clothes to hide behind, so the reason you feel self-conscious may be that you're worried he won't accept you for who you really are. In that case, you need to take ministeps to make yourself feel more secure in your sexual environment," says Kearney-Cooke. "Don't flip on the lights if it makes you uncomfortable. Instead, incorporate candlelight into your lovemaking routine and make more eye contact so that you gradually get accustomed to being seen by your partner." As for your fears that he's critiquing your form, consider this: One study showed that the female figure college women thought college men preferred was significantly thinner and bustier than the preferences actually expressed by the males.
But even more important than what he thinks is what's running through your head. "If you're judging your body while you're trying to feel pleasure, you won't be able to enjoy the experience fully," says Davis. Instead, start focusing on how incredible it feels to be rubbing your skin against his and all the intense sensations you're feeling on your breasts, stomach and private areas -- sensations that have absolutely nada to do with what they look like. It also doesn't hurt to remind yourself that sexiness isn't only skin-deep. "Ask yourself if you've ever been attracted to someone with a less-than-10 body," says Kearney-Cooke. Of course, you know the answer is yes; he had skinny legs or a flat tush, and you thought he was sexy as hell anyway. What was it then that made him so hot? Probably the fact that when you looked at him as an entire head-to-toe package, he was pretty damn fabulous. And so are you. Give yourself the chance to discover that.
Full-Monty Fads
And you thought strip poker was risqué ... check out these bold in-the-buff trends:
American couples are getting hitched in Jamaica ... nekkid, mon! In 2001, 22 vacationing brides and grooms stripped down and exchanged vows in an attempt to set a Guinness world record for the largest nude group wedding. We can only imagine what their honeymoons were like.
Naked bungee-jumping is all the rage everywhere from New Zealand to Canada. Daring couples in their 20s and 30s have even been known to take the naked leap à deux, fused together by chains while they bounce through the air in tandem. Now that's what we call falling in love.
Gutsy college students travel to a nudist resort annually to compete in a pentathlon known as the College Greek Athletic Meet. The event includes long jump, discus, 200-yard dash, javelin and stand-up wrestling -- and they do it as the ancient Greeks did ... au naturel. Good thing they don't include hurdles.
A Toronto-based Web-cast called Naked News has, yep, you guessed it -- anchors in their birthday suits! According to one male "nudecaster," the hardest part is "reading off the TelePrompTer!" Yeah, with 6 million-plus viewers staring at you, we're sure that part is the hardest.